shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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