we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
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Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
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Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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