the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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