Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize