Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
well you can't waste a boner
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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