We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
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I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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