her facebook's as public as her vagina
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize