So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize