New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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