Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize