Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
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Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
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You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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