wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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