Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize