gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize