Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize