gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
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Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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