Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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