I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
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eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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