She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize