Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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