Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
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Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
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I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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