East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up under a house in Key West
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