allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
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I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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