Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize