I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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