The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
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you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
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You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize