I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize