I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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