Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize