I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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