just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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