I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
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Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
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If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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