she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
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this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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