I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
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