I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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