Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
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Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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