He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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