I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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