My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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