Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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