well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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