i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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