I think I won the penis lottery.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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