Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
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Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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