Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
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buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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