A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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