I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
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Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
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He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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