I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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