You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize