In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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