I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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